Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Things That Stop You Dreaming

It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that.
To say the least, a lot has changed since my last blog post. I am no longer in Australia (a fact that I find is becoming more sad for me with each passing day), I am no longer a nanny, and I am once again plopped down into the middle of the field of life without any pathways around me telling me where to go.
Things don't always never turn out the way you expect them to.
I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing, because, against the more logical part of my brain, I do believe things "happen for a reason". Not necessarily a predetermined or divine reason, but a reason. One door closes, another one opens; or at least there was very good reason to close the first door.
“Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.”
— Vincent van Gogh
Source: tumblr
Perhaps knowing where you stand is the first step to begin walking?
It's funny; as I've gotten older, I've become less and less certain about the direction in which my life is headed. In high school, I was 100% certain I was going to have a career as a ballet dancer. I knew this wasn't the end-all, be-all, that I'd retire much earlier than the average person and have to find something else to do with my life- but for the time being, I was set.
It wasn't until a year ago that I even began to consider this wasn't my outcome. Now, I'm still not ready to let that go even though the possibility is, practically speaking, pretty much out the window.

It is both a terrifying and exhilarating thing, realizing that you can change your life whenever you want to.
And now, here I am, back where I began, except I've added some (or a lot of) miles to my imaginary jet-setter card, and I'm not any more certain about where to go next than I was before I left.

I am also realizing more and more each day that this is completely and utterly normal. So common, in fact, that talking about it could almost seem pointless and mundane.
That doesn't make it feel any better.
I don't expect or even want a sudden wave of understanding and direction to come into my life. I get that this is how it's supposed to be, almost like a right of passage, but that still. Doesn't. Mean. It. Doesn't. Suck.
"Nothing will ruin your 20’s more than thinking you should have your life together already." -Anonymous
So, that's where I'm standing, currently.
How are you standing lately? Joining me in the fields, or sprinting full speed down your precious, finally prevalent path?
Either way, I applaud you, just for being.
xoxoxx Kim

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